John H.'s Story

I Never Fit In. My name is John H. and I am an alcoholic and drug addict. Because of The Grace of GOD, AA and my sponsor I haven’t had to drink or use today. My story isn’t unique but if it helps someone else struggling with this disease, it’s worth telling.

I was raised by my Grandmother in Wayne County, WV. As far back as I can remember, I always felt like I never fit in anywhere and that led me to believe I was never good enough for anybody or anything. As a child I would escape by immersing myself in books about animals and nature and I dreamed of one day being a zoologist. At age twelve, I had my first drink from a family member who worked for the railroad. He had a jar of “moonshine” and I took a big drink and it sure did burn going down my throat, but it made me feel different and I liked they way it made me feel. I don’t recall drinking much after that until I was fourteen. I had a beer then another and another; it made me feel like I could do anything and for the first time I believed I fit in. By seventeen, I was drinking whiskey and smoking pot several times a week. I got into a lot of trouble and by twenty- two, I was tired of all the drugs and alcohol. I had a Christian friend who lead me to Christ. For almost a year I studied the Bible and attended church and witnessed to people, but as usual, I didn’t fit in, so I went back to my loyal friend “Jim Beam” and was introduced to a new friend, “Cocaine”.

As my disease progressed I ended up in places that would have broken my Grandmothers heart. I couldn’t stop and I was afraid to try, because I was drinking and using not because I wanted to, but because I had to.

When my girlfriend of four years left me, I thought I may have a problem, so I attended my first AA meeting and remember leaving after the meeting and crying. I was not like them, a bunch of old wrinkled up people who told stories and I thought to myself, “I can’t be one of these people.” Then I thought if I never say that I’m an alcoholic or addict I will still have a chance at being normal. The next day, I went to church and re-dedicated my life to Christ. This time I lasted about two years but I still didn’t fit in. My disease had been waiting and welcomed me back with open arms. I started getting DUI’s and being arrested. My life was out of control and my mother put me into treatment. I met a girl in treatment we went on a rollercoaster ride for the next year. She introduced me to “crack cocaine” and nothing was ever the same again. I went into treatment for the second time, but left and didn’t complete the program. I barely existed for the next two years, until I felt as if I was on my death bed and my sister got me into my third treatment center. I was sick and wanted to die, but I went to treatment. The people who worked there had recovered and shared their story with me. That made a huge impression on me. They were clean and sober and surprisingly, they were happy about it. I completed that program and started attending AA meetings, I found a great sponsor who helped me in ways I would never have believed possible.

Today I’m clean and sober and I’m happy about it. I have wonderful friends and I’m able to love people. I work the 12 steps and help others. I have over seven years of continuous sobriety today and I am grateful to God for everyday. I look at life as a challenge and adventure. I finally found a place to fit in.

John H.